Eros and Intimacy (Part 3)

The female essence needs one thing: to know it’s loved. If the male essence does not communicate to the female that she is loved, things don’t work so well. What the male essence needs is to know that it is succeeding and not failing. The difference in needs causes the male and female essences to communicate on different levels. All communication—in relationship, in lovemaking, and in everyday life—has to hold these messages. This is what we call meta-communication.

By understanding these essences, we can give and receive in a way that uplifts the other person and allows space for than to be their full, authentic self. In order for this to be possible, however, both people have to be operating from the same level of intention, or awareness.

There are levels of relationship along the spectrum of what we call, in the psychological world, undifferentiated to differentiated. The extremes of the undifferentiated woman and man have no boundaries. This is an extreme co-dependant state.

The level-one intimacy relationship is the least differentiated and, therefore, most co-dependant is like a business deal, in which getting ego needs taken care of is the primary goal. In terms of male and female, it has to do with raw sexuality. In this kind of relationship, the female essence uses its sexuality to attract the male. This is not what happens at all levels, but at level one, this is what site is doing. In a general way, this is what we see today in the marketplace, with the overt sexual way women dress and so forth. The male essence attracts at level one by power, money, and fame, which is what attracts that level of female essence, which is looking to be made whole by the male. Level 1 is about “me”.

In a level-two relationship, people are working hard on their boundaries and have an equality. It is a separate but equal relationship. It is about “we”. An example of this is when two people have separate bank accounts, instead of one joint account. Both are equal, and both are denying their essence. The male denies his essence as the meditator dying into the nothing. The female denies her radiance and walks around in her business suit, but isn’t comfortable with that as her essence. When we are equal, everything is the same. At level two, the biggest struggle is to maintain boundaries and the concept of equality. Essence polarity is often lost.

The third level of relationship is where we talk about the alchemical merging into God. It is defined by “at oneness”. Here, the goal is supporting each other, by both giving their holy gift. The third-level female essence gives her holy gift, not to attract a man, but simply to be the radiance of the Divine… Her gift is to inspire everyone into that radiance. The third-level man sees a beautiful woman, or a beautiful horse or beautiful nature, and he is inspired to give his gift of the Nothing. She inspires him, and he inspires her. That is the essence; it is bigger than we are.

Level one is about ego needs being fulfilled and fulfillment of nature’s biological program. Level two is about boundaries. In level three we go on into being beyond focus on boundaries to express our fullest spiritual destiny. We have clear boundaries, but are able to dissolve them at appropriate times. We feel from the heart, without limitations. When we are lived by love, we are lived by liberation. The only thing that matters is God; God is the complete center of life. We go beyond the egocentric, ethnocentric, into the mystical experience of the One in all things. The male and female essences are expressed as the Culture of Liberation in which the Divine is the center of and expression of life. This level-three orientation is the joy of the Culture of Liberation. We are not living out old habits or following robotic preferences. We are being lived by love, and that is the essence relationship.

At level two, we talk about cooperation, and what is fair. We strive for vigorous independence, and are afraid to love too much because we might lose ourselves. But at level three, a community of trust begins to unfold—everyone is being lived by something larger than themselves. The essential question becomes, How can love and light shine most fully? Even if we give up our personal preferences, it is for the sake of a deeper being—to be the expression of God. Level three is where we use sexuality to liberate love and open ourselves to the Divine. It is where sexuality is used to share love with the world and to merge the Heavens and the Earth.

At level three of relationship, life expresses the deepest level of love, as we go beyond ego needs, our personal boundaries, and our partner’s boundaries (level two), to what would most serve partner and the world? It is important to remember that people may actually operate in all three stages, but are predominately centered in one or another.

At level three, the feminine is serving the fullness of love. The masculine essence, at level three, seeks emptiness, death, liberation, and meditation. In terms of sexual relationship, with ejaculation, a kind of emptiness is created—the kind of emptiness that is level one. At level three we are placing more focus on non-ejaculatory sex. This creates the potential for a more sensitive multi-level orgasm for both men and women, in which we merge into each other and become one.